December 6, 2020

Old Bones…

Well, that didn’t take long. I wanted to write something every day, for 30 days. Apparently, that was too much too ask. I did realize, rather quickly, just why I don’t write every day. It’s hard to carve out the time and the desire. Even harder to deal with some old skeletons, that maybe are best left in the closet. It’s easy to think I have nothing worthwhile to say. Even easier to feel guilty about not only taking the time to say things – but, also for the things that I may say themselves.

I did make a few private journal entries. This one may be as well. We will see. I am leaning towards journaling privately more and more lately, and just sharing certain poems and posts. I still struggle a bit with the fact that some people from my “real life” may be reading this. Truthfully, sometimes I wish I never shared this space with anyone close to me. This is nothing personal regarding anyone, other than myself. It is more of a reflection of how comfortable I am in m own skin. Still. And, how much I like having a private space to clear my head. But, I think that is ok. Common, if not “normal”, right? We all need at least some personal space. And, who knows? Maybe some close to me in “real life” are sorry I ever shared it with them, as well. Maybe, there are old bones that nobody really needs, or wants, to see. I mean, we all have enough on our own plates. Who needs to pick through someone else’s bones, too, right?

Too much light can be blinding. Painful. Immobilizing.

Maybe it’s more important to cast just enough light that our own eyes can start to focus and recognize familiar shapes.. as they surface from shadowy depths… until we can see old bones for what they truly are… or once were.

We shall see.

Hopefully.

~ smj

Things grow towards the light
Looking to find what they are looking for
And grasses grow high
In pursuit of the sky
Like those who’ve come before
Now and evermore


~ Untitled (Grasses Grow), A Fine Frenzy

November 19, 2020

Every Now & Then

It’s not that big
of a deal, of a mountain,
of a challenge, 
for most people,
or even for me.
Now.

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November 13, 2020

Never Kiss and Tell

Just relax. Inhale. Exhale.
One should never kiss and tell.
Are you okay? You’re looking pale.
Just relax. Inhale. Exhale.
Your words will come to no avail.
So come, lie down here for a spell.
Just relax. Inhale. Exhale.
One should never kiss and tell.

~ smj

Broken Ones, Jacquie Lee

November 12, 2020

Nothing to see here folks…

So far… so good. I said I’d start writing again, and I’m managing to do just that. It’s been, what? Three days? Four? Oh shit! It’s been SIX whole days! Yeah, baby. Look at me go! Lol :)

Ok, I guess I should not start bragging six days in. LOL Especially when I’m just rambling and posting gibberish. Besides, I know that it’s always easy when I first start back at it.

This time does feel different, though. At least a little. I mean some things never change. I start reading through old posts…. old friends blogs… and I realize just how… repetitive so much of my writing seems… so much of my ramblings. Same old struggles with certain things… certain insecurities… certain long-lived issues. Doesn’t help when I find drafts to poems that I started writing YEARS ago, and get inspired to work on them rather than coming up with new material. Eh? That’s life, I guess. You can take the girl out of the blog, but can’t take the blah out of the girl…
Or something like that. ;)

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November 11, 2020

Here We Go

It’s all coming back to me.

The push and the pull.
The dark and the light.

The way I lose myself,
Whenever I get close.

The need to deny,
That I need approval. 

The involuntary
Fight-or-flight.

I like to think I’m a fighter.
Still, you know I will run

In circles around you.

~ smj

Run, Baby, Run”, Sheryl Crow