T’was the week before Christmas (2001-12-19)

wrote this in December, 19, 2001…

– I was pregnant with my 2nd son… and I was taking care of my father who lived with me ( and was on hospice care in his final stages).  It was also shortly after the devastation of 9/11.

I originally thought I’d write a funny, rhyming, Christmas poem (thus the title)… But, instead of coming up with something cute and funny – I sorta went off on my own tangent.

It sums up a very, very hard time in my life… where I was torn between the intense sorrow of losing my dad, and the great joy of expecting a new son…

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T’was the week before Christmas and here in my house,
Things were different this year. Yes, different, and how.

For starters, the country is still counting it’s losses,
September 11th left a trail of crosses.

So many wounded, in so many ways.
So many pay. So many pray.

And what’s it all for ?
And what will happen from here?

It’s all so uncertain.Yet, some things are  sure –
Our Nation pulled together. United we stand and we will endure.

We long to help out and make things right.
At the end of the tunnel, we see the light.

Along with our losses, we count blessings too.
This Christmas’s colors are red, white and blue.

And yet, on top of all this, this Christmas brings me much more –
A new baby on the way, as death knocks at my father’s door.

So much happiness. So much sadness.
So much to look forward to. So much to miss.

…..And how will I get thru all of this?

And what does this life really mean?
It’s another mystery. Something yet to be seen.

And still, some things, I do know for sure –
I’ll love my child, as my father loved me.

The wheel goes ’round… Carrying life and death.
Bringing hate and love. You get what you give.

Yes, Christmas just isn’t the same this year.
If it’s worse, or better, is not really clear.

While sadness and sorrow seem to be everywhere,
I’ve also never seen, and felt, so much love in the air.

My “wish list” is smaller and simpler this time,
The things that I do want, are hard to define.

I don’t want to waste time buying toys, gifts & games,
Instead I just want to take a stroll down memory lane.

And while I’m strolling, I’d like to see,
A bright shining future for my baby-to-be.

For Christmas, I’m hoping that I can be extra strong,
To help both my unborn child and my father along.

I can’t let either of them down, you see?
They both need my help with their different journeys.

And if it wouldn’t be asking too much,
I’m praying for wisdom, acceptance, and such.

Please help me think positive, and have the ability to see,
That life is good.
That life goes on,
… and so do we.

~smj