I wish I knew…

I wish I knew,
That you are okay…
That you are better off…
That your soul rests today

I wish I knew,
If you were right about death?
Like you were right about
So many other things.
Did your life just end?
Or is your spirit still lingering?

I know, that you still live,
Through those you’ve left behind.
I know you still live thru me.
In my heart, my soul, my mind.

“The wheel goes around”.
Creating a big chain.
Growing… Reacting… Building.
Everything ventured. 
Everything gained.

Lost lives and broken hearts,
Are still connected. 
Still play a part.
As a newborn baby
Makes his start.

If it weren’t for you…
There wouldn’t be me.
And, then my children,
The world wouldn’t see.
Or their children’s children,
Whoever they may be.
And so it goes.
One life connects so many.

That seemed to be enough for you.
I wish that I was happy with that too.
I wish that I didn’t miss you so.

But, I’m not…

and I do…

And, I just wish that I could know

That you are,
Still watching…
Still listening…
Still laughing…
Still protecting…
Still teaching…
Still cheering…
Still caring…
Still singing…
Still joking…
Still story-telling…
Still loving…
Still there…

Still here.

I wish you were still here.

And if you can’t be here,
I wish that you were at least somewhere nice.
And if you can’t be somewhere nice,
Than I hope you were right…
That there was a bright light,
And, then…

Nothing.

You were done.

Done suffering.
Done worrying.
Done sacrificing.
Done missing.
Done fearing.
Done struggling.
Done hurting.
Done dying.
Just done.

“This dying isn’t so bad”, you said.
You were joking, even on your deathbed.
But, if you could come back for just a day,
I wonder what you would have to say?

Were you satisfied with your life?
Could I have done more to reduce your strife?
Were you still glad with your choice?
Knowing you, you never regretted it.
Perhaps, if you had better options to pick from.

I wish I knew you were at peace,
And, then, maybe I could be too.
At least I know that you loved me.
And I know, you knew, I loved you too.

Still,

I wish I knew.

~smj

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