Dark Morn (take 1)

Morning Sky, still full of night,
cradled Moon in the dark.
She gazed on his face, so full of grace
oblivious to waking up larks. 
     And, all the while, Wind blew with a smile,
     hoping the dawn to beguile…


to be continued….

~  smj

8 Comments to “Dark Morn (take 1)”

  1. Morning Sky, still full of night,
    cradled Moon in his light.
    She gazed on his face, so full of grace
    oblivious to waking up larks.
    And, all the while, Wind blew with a smile,
    hoping the dawn to beguile…

    See what I did? I like it the way it is, it’s succinct and sincere.
    Very beautiful.
    But the third line needs to rhyme with the first and second, and I can’t think of one.

    • Charles… interesting. I like your version… and I see what you mean. The funny thing was, in my version, I was thinking the Sky was the “she”… holding the moon (who was a “he” in my head)… – but, I hadn’t made that really clear yet, I guess. And, in yours… you had the sky as a “he”, with the moon as the “she”… Changed the whole way I looked at it… both ways appeal.

      I also had a version like this:

      Morning Sky, still full of night,
      spooned with Moon in the dark…

      and, started putting a lovers /erotic spin on it, that I wasn’t really feeling – so went back to my original thought (which was inspired by a morning walk in the dark with a full moon) – and was of the Sky, “holding”/cradling the moon… protecting it almost from the waking day…

      This is (obviously) still very much a work in progress. I have a good idea where I’m going… but, was working on the rhyme and pattern… and, I’m always open to any advice/suggestions… So thanks! =)

      • I like the version you have here better than the “spooned” one. I guess when I thought of “morning sky” I thought of the sun, thus I personified it in a male respect.
        They are all works in progress. ;) we never really finish a poem, we simply abandon them for a time. When we come back to them, even to one we feel is finished, we are compelled to rewrite them. It’s inevitable. Th is why I don’t like reading my own poetry. :) Of all my posts there are only two I wouldn’t change and two I feel are almost there, and of those one of which I’m afraid to rework because I wish I could go back one revision but I lost it.
        lol

  2. It’s fluffy and nice…
    I like that sometimes..
    This would be one of those times…

    Happy turkey day

    • bindo – well, I am so glad I caught you in the mood for fluffiness and nice! =) Good to know even you have those moments AND can admit to it once in a while… ;) I appreciate that! Hope you had a great turkey day yourself!

  3. Charles – I like your take on it.. makes sense! That is something I always like about poetry – how it can be interpreted in different ways…. & I know what you mean about never feeling “done” either – but, I was going somewhere with this, and feel llke I need to at least add on to what I had… and get the complete vibe out there, even if it’s not in the best form. Not sure if that’s good or bad… but, sometimes, that’s the best I can do. =) Have a good one!

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