Renewed

Steam rises hot off her skin as the water rolls
off her back into shallow pools that skirt around weary feet.
She breathes

deep, warm, cleansing breaths.  Savoring each one
as if it were the first drag from her last cigarette.

Exhaled wet smoke joins forces and adheres to glass,
surrounding her in a dull grey veil, blurring the world outside
until it fades to black, drowned down and out
by the soothing rush of running water.

Surviving droplets cling to droplets and stand fast on hazy walls
defying gravity until pressures mount into unbearable burdens
forcing them to swell, and spill, and plunge at last
as salty tears merging into freshwater streams

cutting trails through fog, providing glimpses
of life in streaks that call to her.  Reluctantly

the door opens, and with a cloud of smoke and mirrors
she steps out of the shower, and back into existence
renewed.

~ smj

2-5-11
edited 1-6-12


New Morning, by Alpha Rev

29 Comments to “Renewed”

  1. Wow…that will make my next shower something to really consider..loved this.

  2. Excellent.
    You described my favourite time of the day nicely

  3. Removing the “she” from the shower makes it no less of a visual, mental and emotional experience.
    Putting “she” in the shower just makes the water hotter, the collecting droplets that much more acute as their surface tension builds to the release and fall.

    i think i’m in love. :-)

    • soodenim –
      thank you for your comments. I’m glad you mentioned the he/she thing. I’ve been noticing how the gender (or lack there of) affects the overall tone. For this, I liked the “she” as well. For my last one… “the windshield” I originally had it as a “he”, and then changed it because, after all, it really was my windshield with the crack in it… but, I think it might have been more effective as a “he” thing. ?? Anyway… glad you like this… feel the love, man… feel the love… ;)

  4. why is it every time I post a new poem here, that I’m fairly certain I am “done” with, I instantly find things I want to change or see minor formatting things that I need to correct? I hope that when I make little changes, and hit “update” it isn’t notifying subscribers each and every time. ?? if it is, I must be really annoying, and I apologize profusely. =)

  5. I think this is the best thing I have read from you. Your imagery is amazing. It’s also rather hot, I felt like I was actually in the shower with you. Perhaps I need a cold shower. Still, I really like this.

    • Charles – you really think this was one of my best? (if not “the best” )? wow. that makes me feel good. I actually struggled with this one a little…. not really wanting it to come off as sexual… but, still be vivid… – and, you crack me up… “hot”… really? Well then, off to the the cold shower with you! *cracking a towel behind you* lol

      • My favorite poem of mine is Rapture. It took me four months to finish it. I don’t think it is much longer than this, but it’s the only thing I’ve written that I am completely happy with the imagery. I haven’t been able to duplicate it since.

        I wouldn’t necessarily say it’s “Sexual” but there is an underlying sensuality of imagery that washes over the reader and sweeps them away. It’s perfectly subtle and calming and just makes you feel warm all over.

  6. There is something in these words I feel many would miss… distracted perhaps ;)

    On a serious note… this is very well done. You have captured a moment. Vulnerable and repeating… one which we face ourselves… indirectly with words and the memories of these moments… if only we were to look closely and create what you have created by observing more than the act of…

    • enreal – thank you my friend… and, uh.. yeah.. I guess all ya have to do around here is mention skim, steam, and a shower and it’s more than enough distraction. LOL ;)
      but, as usual, you are correct… more to it than that… and, I liked what you took from it. Thank you so much. =)

  7. Bravo … poetic perspective on a shower … a meaningful spin on an everyday experience… “the door opens and with a cloud of smoke and mirriors” … very good that …

  8. Bravo, really great poem. :)
    And I love the video. I didn’t know the song. And I think we have similar taste in music… Which means “AWESOME” taste of course :D Happy new year 2012 Samantha!

    • dontchawanna… LOL.. of course – “awesome”! Thanks for the read.. and, glad you liked the song. Alpha Rev was one of those bands I heard in passing, someplace… and instantly liked them.. they have a lot of good songs, so if you liked this, check them out. =)

  9. I like it !! Again !! I can’t remember the changes you made, but I stick to my assessment, the only thing I sense is there is more hope in this version.

    • thanks enreal.. I didn’t change it all that much… but, enough that I felt like it made a difference, ya know? I suppose, i should probably leave the old one up too.. ? thanks for reading… again… =)

  10. this small steam filled enclosure is a wonderful place to revisit.
    thank you for turning on the water and allowing the steam to rise again.

    (i don’t know if you’re interested [or have thought about] saving your older versions
    as opposed to editing, but thanks either way) ;-)

    • Hey MC =).. Thank you.. .and yes.. I do save my older versions when I edit… but, I didn’t keep it on the blog. I suppose, maybe I should.. if just seemed confusing, and I sort of like the newer versions better… I think of it more like… corrections, ya know? Anyway.. thank you again for revisiting this one.. and liking it enough to say so. =)

  11. I have an award for you, Samantha!
    Here’s the link: http://wp.me/p1PkGU-4G

    • thank you so much. I’m afraid I am not so good with the whole blog awards though… I have a hard time keeping up with them (obviously, by the late response of this post), and the rules, etc., but, doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate your thinking me worthy of such. I do.

  12. I know exactly how that feels.
    You captured it perfectly.
    Thank you.

  13. This poem is too sexy….Wait, can something be too sexy?
    Of course not. It’s just fun to say…
    Awesome work!!!

  14. invigorating refreshing verse, well written, intense imagery that makes a very nicely wet moment

  15. Excellent.
    And love the phrasing of “first drag of her last cigarette.” along with the image it evokes.

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