So, hit a nice new low today… This morning, my son called… said he forgot his homework asked if I could bring it to the school within the hour. I told him ok, but after I hung up the phone reality set in.

I was just trying to get myself up and ready for work when he called, and wasn’t getting anywhere fast. I was actually debating on if I could/should/would make it into the office today because I am feeling so incredibly sore. My back started hurting yesterday on top of my leg that’s been hurting non-stop for months. I pictured his high school, and the big parking lot and huge steps that lead up to the front door.

I recalled there was a looooooong ramp that went up one side… that might be doable, I thought. I wondered, if there was any handicap parking near that? I wondered if there might be someone who could run out to my car and meet me? I’m sure the office staff just love that. I could ask, I guess. Did I want to ask? No. I wondered if I could just manage to walk that distance even with the ramp because even with the crutch and pain meds, I can’t walk far before it hurts so bad I feel like I’m going to collapse and/or cry. I figured, even if I could make it, walking in and out would probably put me out of commission for the rest of the day if not longer.

In the end, I wound up calling my husband who was already at his shop, where he’s been working 24/7 lately trying to provide for our family AND make sure we can afford my traveling across the country for surgery in the not-so-near-enough future. He had to leave work… come home… get the homework… take it to our son (who’s going to get a nice lecture when he gets home about being more prepared and how NEXT time he can just get an F).

I then proceeded to have a mini melt-down of sorts. Now, I do not consider myself a weak person, at least I never did before recently – but now, well? Now, I’m not myself. I hardly recognize myself. I HATE this. When did I become so freaking weak and useless?? I feel like an invalid. I’m 46 and I can’t freaking walk my son’s homework up some steps and into his school if I need to…. WTF? =(

I’m sorry… I know so many are struggling even more than I am… I just really need to vent. Sometimes, I still can’t believe this is happening to me… and so many others for that matter. It’s insane!


2 Comments to “2012-09-11”

  1. Nothing wrong with venting.

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