Fortunate Ones

How fortunate are black bears that retreat
at the first scent and flake of winter’s light
into dark havens far from frigid’s white.
Bellies full, they breathe sustaining heat

and rise and fall into sweet slumbered bliss.
Unscathed from descending deprivation,
unconsciously content in their sedation,
the unknown is quite impossible to miss.

But, what if fortune crooked its fickle head
exchanging bear’s superficial gifts of sleep
for the restless fate the clever vixen keeps?
If virgin eyes witnessed icy glistening beds,

before a myriad of  soulful seasoned riches missed, what then?
Would the fortunate ones feel fortunate to ever sleep again?

~ smj
revised 5-2013
original 11-2011 (below)

“I’ve been sleeping a thousand years it seems
got to open my eyes to everything
Without a thought, without a voice, without a soul
don’t let me die here
there must be something more
bring me to life
Wake me up inside, wake me up inside
call my name and save me from the dark
bid my blood to run, before I come undone
save me from the nothing I’ve become”

Bring me to life, Evanescence

—————————–

original 11-16-2011:

How fortunate are black bears that retreat
at the first scent and flake of winter’s light
into dark havens far from frigid white
where full bellies generate sustaining heat
rising, falling, into a slumbered bliss
untouched by descending deprivation,
unconsciously content in their sedation.
The unknown is impossible to miss.
But, what if fortune crooked its fickle head,
exchanging superficial gifts of sleep
for same restless fates of clever vixen?
If virgin eyes scanned icy glistening beds
or witnessed colors of last autumn leaves,
would those bears ever hibernate again?

~ smj

17 Comments to “Fortunate Ones”

  1. I like this poem. Thoughtful and nicely done.

  2. Had to smile as i read the question posited within the poem…and love references to Goldilocks.

  3. very nice… and I like the title

    • thank enreal… and, I sorta changed it already. It was “Nature’s Gift”… I actually changed a couple little things in it. I have a habit of doing that.. It’s like, as soon as I post it… and read it again… I want to change it…

  4. the video is new too… I love this song!

  5. Hello,
    beautiful song and nice post.
    Have good start week.
    Soul.

  6. very lovely poem. and excellent rhythm and rhyme. like a sonnet, but also it still reads pretty free of form or rules (which is probably some unconscious personal trait of yours bleeding thru into your writing.) As most sonnets, this form would be great but have you considered adding space in between stanzas? For me personally, it would read a little easier and allow me to capture those rhymes a little easier. But then again, there’s nothing easy about winter, so in hindsight, perhaps your form really is perfect for this poem.

    • Hello there southernmusingsman… and thanks for the read and your thoughts on this. Yeah, I actually just recently took a poetry forms class… for fun… and, because I could.. and because I’ve been writing for years but never actually took any classes and felt like I really didn’t know what I was doing. The class was fun… learned some things…. got to experiment a little… but, mostly learned that I think I have a problem following rules on command. Wait. Scratch that. I already knew that. I guess I just reconfirmed that fact.. Anyway – I do want to edit/re-write this a little when I can… and will take your comments into consideration when/if I do. So, thanks again.

  7. well, it only took me a year and a half, but I finally got the inspiration to edit this…

  8. I think its great….I love it….reminds me how much I hate the snow and cold of winter….yet I love the beauty of it and warmth of a fire….wouldnt want to miss it….glad to hear you are taking a class….you are quite talented….

    smiles

  9. You and Enreal have shared two of my favorite songs/poems set to music – ones that have haunted me since first listen.

    Your poem…

    I read SM’s comment – and your response – before considering my own…

    Yes – I see the smoothing, the ease of tension you have created in the edited version.

    I do see places where I would sand my own work down – but would it be as honest as what you are sharing here if it were polished until it gleamed like a brass knob?

    My vision of restlessness and my desire to experience change was somehow fully realized after reading BOTH versions of this poem Sam.

    I may have missed the whole point but all I wanted after both was to feel the changes happening around me – to not submit to a state of hibernation for another season if I could possibly help it.

    Just my take,
    M.L.

  10. I like the title ‘fortunate ones’. It’s very befitting. I like how you’ve questioned the notion of ‘fortunate’ too. I actually liked the reference to autumn’s leaves in the first version… mainly because I’ve been obsessed with the beautiful colours of autumn lately.
    http://withluck.wordpress.com/2013/06/05/autumn-leaf/

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