Missing and Reminiscing

*sigh* I miss this. This place, I mean. I miss the poems… reading and writing here. I’ve been writing… Just not here…and not really for me.  Life has been… relentless…  as usual. Not all bad. There’s plenty of good mixed in.  So, I’m not complaining. Well… maybe a little… but that’s not why I’m here.

I am just missing this place again… And this part of me that goes with it. I guess it has been put on the back-burner once again.  Par for the course. I go in spurts, as usual,  and lately I haven’t been reading any poetry, let alone writing any.  Shame. 

But, I just spent a little while reading back through some of my old poems here, and just miscellaneous posts and comments. Felt good… even if parts are bittersweet.  It’s funny how some things never change… but then again, how other things seem as if I’m reading something that came from a complete stranger… even though I know the words by heart.

I like having something concrete to look back on. Reminiscing. I always have. It’s part of the reason I like keeping a journal or diary… because I like to be able to look back years later and remember like it was yesterday.  I know sometimes that is not a good thing.  I know it’s better to live in the present then to focus too much on the past.

So why IS the past so damn compelling? It’s not like I’ve led some adventurous life.  Although I suppose that’s another one of those relative concepts. Still, a lot of it is quite boring. Probably most of it, really. Writing about nothing, like now, seems to be a life-long habit of mine.  And when I am actually writing about something?  Of course there are good memories, but Lord knows there are also many parts of my life you couldn’t pay me enough to go back and live through again.  Yet,  I can easily get sucked into hours of reminiscing if I’m not careful… Time never flies faster. Why is that?

Maybe it is so alluring because it is safe. ? The past, I mean. It’s known. Nothing is still up in the air there, ya know?  No worries. It’s a done deal. I can look back at something I wrote five years ago, and  already know how that chapter ends.  And I can look at times that I was worried about whatever, and I can see now whether I actually had anything to be worried about or not. Either way, I can see it didn’t really matter… My worrying, I mean. The pages kept turning, and here I am. Here we all are.

Nah.  I don’t think that’s really why I’m drawn to the reminiscing so much. The “known” factor, I mean.  I think, I just like remembering.   Good things… and bad. Life.  In general, I mean.

I’ve always been like that. Which again,  partly does explain why I’ve always had a diary since I was a kid. It also partly explains why it takes me forever to clean out my office,  or my bedroom… I find it necessary to look at everything.. rather than just put it away.  I find myself examining things. Reading things.  Listening to things. Looking up things. Feeling things.  I get sidetracked easily…

I recently overheard myself telling my 13 year old son that he has the attention span of a gnat.

I wonder where he gets that from?

Maybe, he should start a blog.
Hmm… Maybe he already has one. ? 
I would so read that… I mean, if he’d let me. Not like my mom did when she found my diary hidden in my closet, & read it when I was 16. That was really not cool. Neither was the note she wrote me back that day…  in MY diary. Yep.  She actually wrote a very long, not so nice, letter to me, IN my diary. ! ? Upsetting, right? Yes. It was. I was devastated… horrified even… at that  time.  But, ya know what? That was a long, loooong time ago. And now? Well, now I’m glad I still have that diary… & my mom’s mean letter.  Fun to look back at & read now. LoL  *sigh*  Good times.Good times. ;-) Sometimes, ya just have to laugh… Frequently, actually, if at all possible.

Did I mention I miss this? This place, I mean.

I hope anyone out there reading this is doing well, and that 2016 is good to you. :-)

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11 Comments to “Missing and Reminiscing”

  1. Nice to hear from. And good wishes back. :)

  2. Sending you Well wishes for 2016 .. Love to you Samantha.. Sue x

  3. Ah…the new year has started out fine and hope it will continue on a positive course…here’s wishing you a wonderful new year…one filled with love and joy….Cheers!

  4. Reading your words and your poems, we could be sisters from another mother. :)

  5. Hmm, I suppose there’s something to be said for your mother making the effort to write a mean letter in your diary–as awful as that invasion of privacy truly is.
    My mother has such contempt for reading and books that I doubt she’d read a diary or bother to respond to it.
    It’s odd where we come from, isn’t it?
    Hello.
    Virtual supportive hugs all around.

  6. Seems I have been gone from here forever myself….but once in awhile I sit and want to come here….to read….to escape into someone elses thoughts besides my own….to see and read what others are experiencing…I love to read…

    As for reminiscing…I often do that…I guess as I get older….I am afraid of forgetting…now that I am watching my 13 year old daughter experience things…it makes me remember how those things felt when I was that age…I then travel thru my life…remembering….not wanting to forget ….even the painful memories…sighs

    thanks for sharing….its good to know sometimes others think similar thoughts….hope you are doing well and remember me…hahahha

    • Of course I remember you. Thanks for visiting and leaving some thoughts. I’ve been ignoring this precious space of mine, and too many other places that I like to escape to myself as of late. As usual, I go in spurts when it comes to this. I can’t make myself sit and write lately. I feel it coming on, though. I hope. In the mean time, I’ll escape to others thoughts and reminisce as I go. Please do keep in touch. <3

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