Archive for ‘Life Happens’

March 12, 2018

No Poems Today… Just Ramblings.

I wanted to write a poem.  Get out some of these feelings that I know are building up inside of me.  That is what happens when I don’t write for a long time.  And, I should know, because I routinely go through long periods of time, where I let this happen.  I don’t write… I don’t process or deal with things.  And, here I am again.

I looked at some drafts of poems that I had started, and thought they might be a good place to start…  but, it’s been too long.  They no longer make sense to me.  So,  I decided I would write a brand new poem.  But, I just stared at the screen.  It’s been too long, and I don’t know where to start.  So much has been happening in my life.  Problems with my own health, yet again. But, those things don’t seem all that major anymore considering all that is happening around me to those I care about and love. Yet, nothing that I seem to be able to put into a poem.  Nothing that wants to see the light of day,  or that I can use to make something beautiful, or to just try to make any sense.  Not yet.

Which, really, is quite fitting now that I think about it.  Because not much is making sense.  How do you make sense of your 20 year old nephew’s death from an accidental drug over-dose?  You don’t.  How do you help those you love, your brother and your sister-in-law/best friend,  get over the loss of their youngest child, and their only son?  You don’t.  Some things you just can’t get over.  I know this.  So, I’ve been trying my best just to help them cope…  but, I am not even sure how to do that.

I have always been a good empathizer.  Is that a word?  My spell-checker says “no”, but,

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December 1, 2016

Play

Orange record player
First class ticket out of Dodge
“Puppy Love” express

————

I vaguely remember, the time when I was just little… and my older brother taught me how to write my name.

I remember being very proud of myself.  My brother seemed proud of me too.  And he told me that we could now play a game… a great, fun, NEW game.  I eagerly and happily awaited his instructions.  I would do just about anything my older brother told me to do when I was little.  Something I grew out of, thankfully, but not before learning some lessons the hard way.  This was going to be one of those lessons.

I remember my brother giving me an orange crayon… and he said, “I’m going to go out of your room and count to 100.  When I come back in, anything that does not have your name on it – is mine.”

You would think that

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September 5, 2016

(my) Life Directions

Take two steps forward. 

One step back.  Repeat. Again. 

Smile. The wheel goes ’round.

 

– smj

Keep Breathing ~ Ingrid Michaelson

 

January 7, 2016

Missing and Reminiscing

*sigh* I miss this. This place, I mean. I miss the poems… reading and writing here. I’ve been writing… Just not here…and not really for me.  Life has been… relentless…  as usual. Not all bad. There’s plenty of good mixed in.  So, I’m not complaining. Well… maybe a little… but that’s not why I’m here.

I am just missing this place again… And this part of me that goes with it. I guess it has been put on the back-burner once again.  Par for the course. I go in spurts, as usual,  and lately I haven’t been reading any poetry, let alone writing any.  Shame. 

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August 7, 2015

bad penny

lost and found, and lost
again. like a bad penny
I keep turning up

~ smj

;)

I have been writing lately, but not poems… and not here.  Instead, it’s been more like work than play.  I miss this place.  Lately, I feel it calling me back.  I’m realizing that it’s often during the busiest times, when I feel like writing poetry is the last thing I have time to do – that is exactly when I also tend to feel like I need it the most.

And, I have been busy.  Busy with work… but more importantly, with family and friends.  Lots of good stuff, on top of just being busy trying to get my life back.  Health-wise, things are going much better… I can walk again without a cane or crutch.  =)   After using one for over 2 years, I can’t tell you how glad I am to be able to say that.  I count my blessings every day, and appreciate everything so much more than before.  I’ve been doing things this last year, that I simply couldn’t do for a while, and it feels damn good.  I feel like I have regained a huge part of my life that I almost thought I’d never see again.  I’m still dealing with some aftermath… I’m still working on things…  I am not where I want to be…  and, truthfully, I’m getting tired of trying to get there.  but, I’m more afraid to give up.  I can’t do that, yet sometimes I am afraid that I will.  It’s that damn “all or nothing” mentality that I still have to fend off…

I guess I need a second wind.  So, here I am…. and even though I’m not saying much… I feel like I am breathing a little better just for logging on here….

Greg Laswell – Comes and Goes