Posts tagged ‘dad’

April 11, 2014

Happy Sibling Day ?

siblingsSo, it’s “Siblings Day”? Never heard of it before. I’m sure my brothers will agree that there are way too many new holidays these days. Must be Hallmark trying to improve sales or something. Sheesh. We can barely keep track of the essential ones. Still, all these posts on Facebook about siblings made me reflect on my relationship with my brothers, and I felt like writing about it a bit. Only one of my brothers is on Facebook. Ironically, he’s the one who until fairly recently was pretty computer illiterate, and I figured he always would be. But, that’s one of the things about brothers. They can surprise you. For example, you can go your whole teenage life thinking that a brother hates you, and then you grow up and realize that they actually always did care.

When I was a kid, it seemed I had one big brother who let me hang out with him, and in the process taught me how to do everything I wasn’t supposed to do. Man, we had some fun though. Then, I had my oldest big brother that would get upset with me for doing those things, and tell on me. Because my oldest brother seemed to love to see me get in trouble and to NOT have fun, I assumed he didn’t like me much. Of course, I was wrong. He was just very protective. I realized that the older I became. When it came down to it, both of my brothers were always there for me, and still are. I always knew that. It’s a good feeling.

Growing up, I was always trying to be one of the boys. Except, I never really was. For starters because nobody was allowed to hurt me. My father would allow my brothers to kill each other – but, they were not allowed to hit me. Of course, they still did sometimes, rarely… but, they sure as hell didn’t let anyone else mess with me. My oldest brother was probably the most protective. He claims this is because he was the one to get in trouble if/when any of us got in trouble. I’ll buy that. The only one more scary-protective of me than my oldest brother was my Dad… and Dad could be pretty scary. After-all, he did regularly say things like, “I’ll rip your arm off and beat you over the head with the bloody end of it!”.

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November 27, 2013

Be Here Now

I love this song…   “Be Here Now”, by Ray LaMontagne.  I heard it (again) recently, and when another blogger reminded me of an old poem of mine, Empty Spaces, I realized I never added a song to that one as I often do.  This song seemed perfect, so I added it there.  and also felt like it was very fitting for this grey, winter day as I am heading back out into the cold…
A reminder to just be.

“Don’t let your mind get weary and confused..
your will be still; don’t try.
Don’t let your heart get heavy, child;
inside you there’s a strength that lies.

Don’t let your soul get lonely, child..
it’s only time; it will go by.
Don’t look for love in faces, places —
it’s in you; that’s where you’ll find kindness.

Be here.. be here now.. be here now..
be.. be here now.. be here now…

Don’t lose your faith in me,
and I will try not to lose faith in you.
Don’t put your trust in walls,
’cause walls will only crush you when they fall.

Be…be here now… be here now.
Be…be here now…be here now.

Be Here Now, by Ray LaMontagne

November 8, 2013

Painful Conversations

Lay quiet
Lay still
so the pain doesn’t come.

Don’t breathe
a sound
or an invitation.

Dear Pain,
I’m sorry
but, I think we should break up.
It’s not me,
it’s just you
and, I’ve had more than enough.

Dear Sam,
Nice try,
but, I am going nowhere.
No way.
No how.
Not on wings or a prayer.

Just then
warm winds
whispered words from the past

“Just wait
Hold on
and, this too shall pass.”

~smj


– Details In The Fabric, by Jason Mraz Feat. James Morrison

March 21, 2013

Eyes on the Prize

Bright light hurts my eyes
only momentarily
with my blinders off.

So…

No more looking back
or spinning ’round in circles.
Focus forward now.

– smj

Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again (lyrics):

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August 2, 2012

Missing the old man…

I wonder what he’d have to say, if he could see me now?

He would hate to see me this way…  limping around… using a crutch.  He knew all too well about crutches, wheel chairs, and leg pain…  way more than I, or most people, ever could .   After everything he went through  what I’m going through is nothing… but, I know he wouldn’t say so… or even think so.   I bet he’d be wincing every time I did – taking on my pain… taking it away if he could.  I can picture him stiffening up his lower lip and trying to act all tough…  trying to conceal how much it bothered him – but, I would know anyway…  because I could read him like a book.  It was a mutual skill we had going on.   He’d be mad at the doctors and the world along with me…  secretly question once more a god that neither of us really believes in.  He’d want to go punch someone “right in the nose”.  But then he’d make jokes to cheer me up and remind me of all the good things I have going on in my life.  Like, how lucky I am to have all the support that I do have from my family and friends.  He’d remind me how especially great my boys are…  and how I need to do what I have to do to take care of them too…  and, he’d tell me again what a good guy my husband is…  how hard he works… (even harder lately, which is hard to imagine but true ) to take care of me and our family.  And, as usual, he’d be right.

Man, I miss him.  So much…
but I guess I don’t really have to wonder what he’d say after all…

~smj


Old Man, Neil Young