Perspective

Nothing really matters
now. Only you… and you.
Can’t you see that?

All things stressed about
are just that – things. Ridiculous
things, compared to you.

Work? Politics? The state
of our economy? Please.
Not even close.

Entire cities? Dear friends?
Cherished family. Me?
I clearly choose you.

My sons.  My moons.
My heaven and earth.
If I could just move you

enough to make you
understand. To make you
feel content. To make you
feel loved enough that you
feel hope. To make you feel.

To make you stay. Please don’t
leave me. You are my world.
You are what matters. Even if
you don’t see it.

~ smj

“My mission is to keep the light in your eyes ablaze”
– Ablaze, Alanis Morisette

Thought Wrong

I thought I was moving on
from my past, from my problems,
from the person I no longer wanted
to be.

I thought I was moving up,
like the Jefferson’s – to the top,
to a deluxe, newly evolved version
of me.

I thought I had moved past
the worst of it.  That I had paid
my dues and was ready to finally
be free.

“Don’t think”, she said.
“You’re not good at it”, she said.

Looking Up

wandering thoughts caught
frozen in shades of gray, still
she was looking up

~smj

Blackbird, Paul McCartney & Wings

lost and found

I’ve lost myself,
and found myself,
more times than I can count.

I’ve lost myself and found myself, more times than I can count.  But, this time is different.  Maybe because the last time,
I was lost, I couldn’t even recognize myself.  At all.  Not really.  To make it worse, others didn’t either.  I saw the way they looked at me.  With pity, worry, sometimes, disbelief.  I understood.  I felt it too. I tried to be strong, and think positive.  I tried to “hang in there”.  Eventually, I started to believe that this might just be as good as it gets. I decided to give up on the “old me”.  I tried to accept the “new me”.  But, it wasn’t working.

I couldn’t quite let go of old hope and dreams, or the the things I use to do and still wanted to be able to do.  I couldn’t accept limitations and all the injustice that seemed to go with it.

 

(This was to be continued…  but then I never did.  Figures.  I did go on to get lost and found again, and again, though.  How typical of me. )

Almost Me

Slowly, I’m coming into focus,
I think. One pixel at a time.
I can almost see

All that I once was, elements lost
and found, miraculously, settle in
to what I am now. Leaving room
for hope and whatever I might be.  And,
through squinted eyes, and breath
held tight, I can almost see, almost believe

Slowly, I’m coming into focus,
finally.  One pixel at a time.
I can almost see the me
I want to be.

~ smj