Eyeliner

“You wear too much eyeliner.
You look like a whore.”

Tigress teenage eyes rolled back
at him. Her face scrunched up in disdain
to mask the sting of his words.  Who cares
what he thinks? She didn’t want to.
What the fuck does he know? 

Innocence was overrated, anyway.
It never protected her when she had it
from those that would stare right into unlined, wide
eyes, smiling as they robbed them blind. 
Blue naivety drained to black.

Tears can take years to catch up
with repressed memories.  But, they build and spill
eventually.  One way or another.  They don’t care
how much you hate to cry. Denial can’t prevent
bleeding out slowly from the inside.

Renewed

Steam rises hot off her skin as the water rolls
off her back into shallow pools that skirt around weary feet.
She breathes

deep, warm, cleansing breaths.  Savoring each one
as if it were the first drag from her last cigarette.

Exhaled wet smoke joins forces and adheres to glass,
surrounding her in a dull grey veil, blurring the world outside
until it fades to black, drowned down and out
by the soothing rush of running water.

Surviving droplets cling to droplets and stand fast on hazy walls
defying gravity until pressures mount into unbearable burdens
forcing them to swell, and spill, and plunge at last
as salty tears merging into freshwater streams

cutting trails through fog, providing glimpses
of life in streaks that call to her.  Reluctantly

the door opens, and with a cloud of smoke and mirrors
she steps out of the shower, and back into existence
renewed.

~ smj

2-5-11
edited 1-6-12

New Morning, by Alpha Rev

Vanity

I wanted it restored,
this old vanity of mine,
for its weathered wooden drawers
were full of memories and magic
that could transport me back
in time, to my selective past
before I grew up
all too fast.

One morning, years ago,
my vanity appeared.  Just
appeared. All white and gold
with mystical mirrors that could tilt
reality. And as I woke I tried to
focus on the sleepy image of a girl
who returned my stare
curiously.

Sight of Mind

Is it over?
Is it safe
to open my eyes?
Relax white-knuckled grip?
Unclench teeth?
Let my smile drop
along with my guard?
Until my eyes finally rise,
daring to meet the world’s gaze
along with yours?

And, what will they find?

Smiling eyes
shining with reassurance?
Looks of love
with depths unknown to get lost in?
Welcoming pools of acceptance?
Seas of invigorating possibilities?
Humble tides of honesty
rushing in, filling the future
with bright new opportunities
and great expectations?

Or rather
only downward, sideways glances?
Slowly turning
to scowls of condemnation,
shooting daggers of disbelief
into rivers of distress
that swell up with hurtful truths
and flood over into unforgiving oceans
wrenching with remorse?

Or will there only be closed eyes to meet?
Rapidly darting beneath their own lids,
preferring to sleep, they go on…
Still dreaming…
Still wishing…
Still seeing a girl
they thought they once knew.
A girl who never stopped smiling
or clinging to illusions.
A girl, a vision, of happiness,
strength and courage. A girl
one could hold on to in the dark
(among other things)
in utter blissful ignorance, safely
behind closed doors
and eyelids.

Out of sight,
Out of mind?

~smj

3-29-2010
2-18-13 slightly revised

Silent Lucidity, by Queensryche

Picture Perfect

a thousand lies

a thousand dreams

a thousand misconceptions

but, barely ever worth

more than just a few

words

picture perfect

fades  to black

back to the dark room

were it only developed in

imaginations running

wild

a thousand tears

a thousand mistakes

a thousand years gone by

but, never was worth

more than just a few

words

~~~

“I think it’s time, we give it up
And figure out what’s stopping us
From breathing easy, and talking straight”
~ Lies – The Swell Season