Posts tagged ‘rambling’

November 12, 2020

Nothing to see here folks…

So far… so good. I said I’d start writing again, and I’m managing to do just that. It’s been, what? Three days? Four? Oh shit! It’s been SIX whole days! Yeah, baby. Look at me go! Lol :)

Ok, I guess I should not start bragging six days in. LOL Especially when I’m just rambling and posting gibberish. Besides, I know that it’s always easy when I first start back at it.

This time does feel different, though. At least a little. I mean some things never change. I start reading through old posts…. old friends blogs… and I realize just how… repetitive so much of my writing seems… so much of my ramblings. Same old struggles with certain things… certain insecurities… certain long-lived issues. Doesn’t help when I find drafts to poems that I started writing YEARS ago, and get inspired to work on them rather than coming up with new material. Eh? That’s life, I guess. You can take the girl out of the blog, but can’t take the blah out of the girl…
Or something like that. ;)

read more »
March 12, 2018

No Poems Today… Just Ramblings.

I wanted to write a poem.  Get out some of these feelings that I know are building up inside of me.  That is what happens when I don’t write for a long time.  And, I should know, because I routinely go through long periods of time, where I let this happen.  I don’t write… I don’t process or deal with things.  And, here I am again.

I looked at some drafts of poems that I had started, and thought they might be a good place to start…  but, it’s been too long.  They no longer make sense to me.  So,  I decided I would write a brand new poem.  But, I just stared at the screen.  It’s been too long, and I don’t know where to start.  So much has been happening in my life.  Problems with my own health, yet again. But, those things don’t seem all that major anymore considering all that is happening around me to those I care about and love. Yet, nothing that I seem to be able to put into a poem.  Nothing that wants to see the light of day,  or that I can use to make something beautiful, or to just try to make any sense.  Not yet.

Which, really, is quite fitting now that I think about it.  Because not much is making sense.  How do you make sense of your 20 year old nephew’s death from an accidental drug over-dose?  You don’t.  How do you help those you love, your brother and your sister-in-law/best friend,  get over the loss of their youngest child, and their only son?  You don’t.  Some things you just can’t get over.  I know this.  So, I’ve been trying my best just to help them cope…  but, I am not even sure how to do that.

I have always been a good empathizer.  Is that a word?  My spell-checker says “no”, but,

read more »

August 7, 2011

Writing for myself…

I started my first real journal when I was about 12 years old.  Since then, I have almost always had a journal, or diary or blog of some sort.   When I was a kid, there weren’t any blogs (yes, I’m old).   I just wrote in an old beat up notebook – which turned into a huge 3 ring binder.   I wrote about a page or so, almost every day.  More often than not I just wrote about whatever had happened that day, and how I was feeling.  Sometimes, I wrote poems.

Usually, I wrote before I went to bed,  but

read more »

December 16, 2010

And, what do YOU want for Christmas, little boy?

He said he doesn’t want anything for Christmas this year…  my son, that is.   I guess, that means he’s a pretty lucky kid, right?  We should all be so lucky… to not really want for anything, right?

It’s not like he has “everything”.  He doesn’t.  Not by a long-shot.  In today’s economy, our family is having financial struggles along with many others.  Which made me wonder if my son was just reluctant to ask for anything?  Maybe he thought we simply couldn’t afford it?   It was just last year that he became aware that Santa is on the same budget as Mommy & Daddy, and this is the first year that he hasn’t really asked for any big-ticket items.  Coincidence?  Hmmm??  I sure hope so. 

I would feel terrible if he wasn’t asking for things simply because he thought we couldn’t afford them… even if that very well might be the case.  Maybe there are things he wants, but

read more »

December 3, 2010

What is wrong with me?

Sometimes…  I find myself asking myself…   “what is wrong with me?”…

It’s frustrating, really.  To know something is wrong… but, not really know what.  I can’t put my finger on it.  Not sure if it’s just a mood?  or a (hopefully) passing phase?  Am I going through some sort of funk?  depression?  Is it physical?  Mental? Financial?  Lord knows there’s some real concerns going down around me… but, is that all it is?  Or am I wallowing in my own idiosyncracies? 

Maybe, it’s just the way it is.  Maybe, it’s  “normal“?  (don’t get me started on the whole “normal” thing).  But,

read more »