First Father’s Day without my dear father-in-law. He really was like a second father to me. It’s been a rough few years, and especially few months for him, my husband, and us. It’s the 19th father’s day without my own father. Not a day goes by still that I don’t think of him. I am missing them both so much…
But, I had a dream last night – which is amazing in itself, because I hardly slept. I’ve been doing a lot of tossing and turning these days. But there was at least a few moments where I did drift off enough… to where I got to “see” them both (and my mother-in-law too, actually). I got to hear their voices, and their laughter. I don’t remember everything clearly, but they were happy & they were saying hello, and trying to cheer me up. I was asking them if they were okay… and happy where they were now… and, then somehow that turned into me whining about how worried I am lately. Scared shitless, really… and then about how much I miss talking to my Dad. I could use a good game of gin, cup of coffee and long conversation with him these days.
My Dad reminded me of midnight swims we took when I was a kid, and the special milkshakes we use to create… I hadn’t thought of that in ages. “Peanut-butter elephants”, “Licorice giraffes”, “Green grasshoppers”, and my favorite – “Mid-summer night chillers”. Those are the kinds of memories he wanted me to have of him today. Not sad ones. He also reminded me that my boys are here with me still. I have much to be thankful for. This could have been a much, MUCH, worse father’s day.
I woke up crying and missing them all the more… not wanting them to leave me… again. But it was also so good to “see” them, to “hear” their voices… their laughter. The epitome of “bittersweet”, I guess.
It was good reminder that, like always, our parents wouldn’t want me/us to be sad. Not anymore than I want my own children to be sad. They would want us to enjoy today… & celebrate the dads – and loved ones still with us. Like we would do with them if they were here. And I just so happen to be married to one of the best Dads ever… and he deserves a great father’s day today.
So, Happy Father’s Day to my Honey
I love you so much! Thank you for always doing whatever you can for our boys & the constant love & devotion to our family. And, Happy Father’s Day to all you other great dads out there… Never doubt the impact you have on your children. May you all feel the love & appreciation you deserve today… just like your Dads (& theirs) would want for you.
“The wheel goes round”. 
~ smj
Samantha Mariah Jane 