Archive for ‘prose’

January 7, 2016

Missing and Reminiscing

*sigh* I miss this. This place, I mean. I miss the poems… reading and writing here. I’ve been writing… Just not here…and not really for me.  Life has been… relentless…  as usual. Not all bad. There’s plenty of good mixed in.  So, I’m not complaining. Well… maybe a little… but that’s not why I’m here.

I am just missing this place again… And this part of me that goes with it. I guess it has been put on the back-burner once again.  Par for the course. I go in spurts, as usual,  and lately I haven’t been reading any poetry, let alone writing any.  Shame. 

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March 23, 2014

Back in Season

Now you see me
Now you don’t
Today I’m writing
Tomorrow I won’t

But, sooner or later
I’ll come crawling back
Not a threat or a promise
Just a hard fact

Same old story
Same old song
Not a question of “if”
But rather, “how long?”

No real rhyme
No known reasons
To explain why I write
As if I’m a season

~ smj

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August 2, 2012

Missing the old man…

I wonder what he’d have to say, if he could see me now?

He would hate to see me this way…  limping around… using a crutch.  He knew all too well about crutches, wheel chairs, and leg pain…  way more than I, or most people, ever could .   After everything he went through  what I’m going through is nothing… but, I know he wouldn’t say so… or even think so.   I bet he’d be wincing every time I did – taking on my pain… taking it away if he could.  I can picture him stiffening up his lower lip and trying to act all tough…  trying to conceal how much it bothered him – but, I would know anyway…  because I could read him like a book.  It was a mutual skill we had going on.   He’d be mad at the doctors and the world along with me…  secretly question once more a god that neither of us really believes in.  He’d want to go punch someone “right in the nose”.  But then he’d make jokes to cheer me up and remind me of all the good things I have going on in my life.  Like, how lucky I am to have all the support that I do have from my family and friends.  He’d remind me how especially great my boys are…  and how I need to do what I have to do to take care of them too…  and, he’d tell me again what a good guy my husband is…  how hard he works… (even harder lately, which is hard to imagine but true ) to take care of me and our family.  And, as usual, he’d be right.

Man, I miss him.  So much…
but I guess I don’t really have to wonder what he’d say after all…

~smj


Old Man, Neil Young

July 31, 2012

Bees. Why did it have to be bees?

Bees. Great. Now, there’s bees in my new temporary office.   I don’t know how they are getting in and they clearly do not know how to get out. They go towards the light of my window and beat their buzzing little heads against it relentlessly until they collapse and join the other dead bee-bodies on the window sill. How horrific it must be for them. Seeing freedom, but not quite able to reach it, while below all they see is the carcasses of their friends.  If only they had the capacity to grasp the concept of invisible glass walls.  Then, they could take the time to find a way out… but they don’t get it.  Poor little bastards.  They just keep buzzing, and banging their heads, and dropping dead.

I wonder if it’s their little wings or their little hearts that give out first? It must be their wings, actually, because they wind up crawling around for a while before they finally curl up and join their brethren in defeat.  I wonder if their queen misses them? I wonder if they start blaming the bee they followed in there, or if they curse their own stupidity for venturing into unknown territory?  I wonder if in their last hours they beat themselves up internally so badly that their little egos wind up as bruised and battered as their little heads.  Do bees have egos?  Somehow, I doubt it – but then again that may just be my own, much larger, ego speaking.

I wish I could open the window for them and let them out. I would if I could, but,

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March 10, 2012

“Follow Your Bliss”

Someone told me recently, I should not quit my day job. No, I wasn’t singing… (for once).  It was my boss, when I told him I was interviewing for a different job.  He didn’t want me to leave.  Unless I was leaving for my “dream job”.  Then, by all means… he said, I should “follow my bliss”.

“Follow my BLISS”??

I wondered, aloud, if he really thought that my current position was “blissful”? Seriously?   I mean, I get along great with him… but, he was just a part of the so, very not, blissful picture.   In his defense, I think he just meant not to take any old job just to get away from there..  but, still, I found myself wondering, was I following my bliss??  Would this new job I was interviewing for be “blissful”?  I didn’t wonder for long, I was sure it would not be.  It would be a job. 

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