Looking Up

wandering thoughts caught
frozen in shades of gray, still
she was looking up

~smj

Blackbird, Paul McCartney & Wings

Almost Me

Slowly, I’m coming into focus,
I think. One pixel at a time.
I can almost see

All that I once was, elements lost
and found, miraculously, settle in
to what I am now. Leaving room
for hope and whatever I might be.  And,
through squinted eyes, and breath
held tight, I can almost see, almost believe

Slowly, I’m coming into focus,
finally.  One pixel at a time.
I can almost see the me
I want to be.

~ smj

Again

how soon we forget
yesterday’s slippery slopes
’til footing gives way

~smj

Same Old Song and Dance, Aerosmith

Happy Sibling Day ?

So, it’s “Siblings Day”? Never heard of it before. I’m sure my brothers will agree that there are way too many new holidays these days. Must be Hallmark trying to improve sales or something. Sheesh. We can barely keep track of the essential ones. Still, all these posts on Facebook about siblings made me reflect on my relationship with my brothers, and I felt like writing about it a bit. Only one of my brothers is on Facebook. Ironically, he’s the one who until fairly recently was pretty computer illiterate, and I figured he always would be. But, that’s one of the things about brothers. They can surprise you. For example, you can go your whole teenage life thinking that a brother hates you, and then you grow up and realize that they actually always did care.

When I was a kid, it seemed I had one big brother who let me hang out with him, and in the process taught me how to do everything I wasn’t supposed to do. Man, we had some fun though. Then, I had my oldest big brother that would get upset with me for doing those things, and tell on me. Because my oldest brother seemed to love to see me get in trouble and to NOT have fun, I assumed he didn’t like me much. Of course, I was wrong. He was just very protective. I realized that the older I became. When it came down to it, both of my brothers were always there for me, and still are. I always knew that. It’s a good feeling.

Growing up, I was always trying to be one of the boys. Except, I never really was. For starters because nobody was allowed to hurt me. My father would allow my brothers to kill each other – but, they were not allowed to hit me. Of course, they still did sometimes, rarely… but, they sure as hell didn’t let anyone else mess with me. My oldest brother was probably the most protective. He claims this is because he was the one to get in trouble if/when any of us got in trouble. I’ll buy that. The only one more scary-protective of me than my oldest brother was my Dad… and Dad could be pretty scary. After-all, he did regularly say things like, “I’ll rip your arm off and beat you over the head with the bloody end of it!”.

What If

What if Reality
doesn’t believe
in affirmations
or that Hope can float
safely to shore?

What if Faith
secretly harbors
only dark truths
within her blinding
white, bright, smile?

What if Tomorrow
considers himself free
and has no desire
to form any ties
to past or present?

Then again,

What if  Tomorrow wakes
finding himself
in bed with the present,
intertwined in a dream
that Faith envisioned
long before she smiled
invitingly, and  offered her hand
to the hand of Hope
who stepped carefully
onto dry land once again,
looking Reality square in the eyes
before lifting her gaze to face
a new destiny?

~ smj

Both Sides Now, by Joni Mitchell