Posts tagged ‘love lost’

April 1, 2014

Shadow Talk

I’m not ready
to talk about you just yet
or the fact that your gone
but not really gone.

I can’t summon words,
dark or remorseful enough,
that express this, or allow
undeserved escape

from questions suppressed
in fear of answers that may be
too difficult to face.
Like fabled sea monsters
that might lurk below
in shadows, they grow.

~ smj


Collective Soul – In Between

March 28, 2014

Perpetual Teacher

Are you still teaching

guilty lessons from the grave?

Why can’t I just learn?

~ smj

 

“You, who are on the road must have a code that you can live by.
And so become yourself because the past is just a good bye.

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August 2, 2012

Missing the old man…

I wonder what he’d have to say, if he could see me now?

He would hate to see me this way…  limping around… using a crutch.  He knew all too well about crutches, wheel chairs, and leg pain…  way more than I, or most people, ever could .   After everything he went through  what I’m going through is nothing… but, I know he wouldn’t say so… or even think so.   I bet he’d be wincing every time I did – taking on my pain… taking it away if he could.  I can picture him stiffening up his lower lip and trying to act all tough…  trying to conceal how much it bothered him – but, I would know anyway…  because I could read him like a book.  It was a mutual skill we had going on.   He’d be mad at the doctors and the world along with me…  secretly question once more a god that neither of us really believes in.  He’d want to go punch someone “right in the nose”.  But then he’d make jokes to cheer me up and remind me of all the good things I have going on in my life.  Like, how lucky I am to have all the support that I do have from my family and friends.  He’d remind me how especially great my boys are…  and how I need to do what I have to do to take care of them too…  and, he’d tell me again what a good guy my husband is…  how hard he works… (even harder lately, which is hard to imagine but true ) to take care of me and our family.  And, as usual, he’d be right.

Man, I miss him.  So much…
but I guess I don’t really have to wonder what he’d say after all…

~smj


Old Man, Neil Young

November 1, 2011

Always Never

You said you stayed because you cared
about vows, and how to leave would be a sin.
Still, you were always never there

when all you craved lived in your prayers
for him, our lives, to be born again.
You said you stayed because you cared.

At least we never wondered where
we stood, steady on the brink of sink or swim
while you were always never there.

And, through your lens we learned to stare
into blackened worlds that kept you pinned,
but, you said, you stayed because you cared

enough to save us (not you) from despair
and to bury beauty beneath our skin.
No, you were always never there

for us, for me, except for when I dared
conceive just where you may have been
when you said you stayed because you cared.
Oh, poor mother, who was always never there.

~smj


Beacuse of You, Kelly Clarkson

October 24, 2011

Blindsided

One by one their eyes turned blind,
Pretending not to see her there.
Her tears appealed to all mankind.
Why didn’t anybody care?

Pretending not to see her there,
They kept their gaze from going down.
Why didn’t anybody care?
How could they all just walk around?

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